What does God want?

I woke up this morning feeling horrible. No, I didn't have a cold, wasn't ill, didn't feel sick. I was just dead tired. My head ached, my eyes hurt, and I wanted to sleep about four more hours. However, duty called, so I got up and headed off to work.

In the past month or so, I have basically given up caffeine. Previously, I was drinking absurd amounts during the day. This has been an addiction of sorts that has probably existed for nearly 3 years, perhaps longer. I honestly can't recall for sure. Diet Mountain Dew is what started it. Then that shifted to Diet Code Red, which is simply a fruity version of Mountain Dew. Then, Diet Coke took over, and lately, it has been Diet Dr. Pepper. Yeah, it's diet, but it's still awful for you, and it really, really messes with your sleeping habits. So, a few weeks ago, I basically quit cold turkey. Sure, I've had a few here or there, but for the most part, it's been non-existent in my life for about a month.

That is, until this morning. I felt so dead tired, that on my way to work, I pulled into Sonic and purchased a Rt. 44 Diet Dr. Pepper. I actually felt horribly guilty when I did it, but I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to function at work without it.

As I was waiting on the server to bring me my drink, I pondered why I was so tired. "Pondered" may not be the right word to use, because it might suggest I didn't know and that I was trying to figure it out. Truth is, I knew darn well why I felt like death hung over -- I stayed up until past 2 a.m. watching U.S. Open tennis.

I'm not really even a huge tennis fan; however, I have come to really enjoy watching Rafael Nadal play over the past few years. And, in this match, he got down a set quite quickly, won the 2nd set decisively, and was battling in the 3rd set, which seemed like it would either solidify the win for him, or put him on the hot seat, possibly facing an upset by an unseeded player. So, I got interested in the match, and the next thing I know, it's after 2 a.m., I'm feeling zonked, and I have to get up way too early to be watching a sport I really don't care that much about. Yet, I couldn't turn it off.

So, this morning, as I was pulling out of Sonic, a thought hit me -- What does God really want from me?

And this image popped into my mind:

So, what exactly is that, you might ask? Well, to me, it's a representation of a set of parallel lines. Yes, I know, geometrically speaking, they aren't perfectly parallel, but for the sake of this blog, willingly suspend your disbelief, if you can, and assume they are in fact parallel, which means, by definition, that they will never intersect. At no point as far as they go will they ever cross.

And, that's how I feel in my walk with God way more often than I should. Imagine His will being one of the lines and my will being the other one. Never intersecting? That's horrible.

I mean think about it...think about how seemingly innocent my staying up until after 2 a.m. to watch tennis was. Was there anything outwardly "wrong" with it? On the surface, no, not at all. I was at home with my family. I was in bed next to my sleeping wife. And, I was simply watching a tennis match. Granted, it was late at night and I probably should have been sleeping, but in and of itself, the activity was as innocent as could be.

But, what was the result, and more importantly, what was the motivation?

The basic result is easy to see -- I was tired. So what, right? I'm tired often, as are most Americans. Did you know that in an ABC News report back in February, the CDC stated that an estimated 50-70 million people suffer from constant sleep loss or sleep disorders. So, in reality, I'm just like so many other people.

But, does that make it okay?

To answer that, let's look further.

Step 1: Tired.

Step 2: I didn't tell you this, but I didn't leave my house until almost 9:15. Now, I don't have a set time that I HAVE to be at my office, but 9 a.m. is generally accepted. So, leaving at 9:15 got me to work approximately 40 minutes late.

Step 3: I drank caffeine. Again, not really that big of a deal; however, I had been undergoing an attempt at discipline in that area and doing quite well, mind you. Done, gone, out the window! Forty-four ounces later (for the mathematically-impaired, that's approximately 3.67 cans of Diet Dr. Pepper), and I've now not only gotten a late start on the day, I've destroyed a small act of discipline, and on top of that, I have now ingested a week's worth of horrible soda in a mere few hours. So, in a sense, for this particular day, I threw my health out the window. (And, yes, I was way too tired to even think about exercising.)

Step 4: I spent virtually no time with God, with the minor exception being the slow, random thought that led to this blog. I didn't read the Bible this entire day. I listened to no worship music. I made no concerted effort to even reflect on God's amazing grace, mercy, and love. I did pray, just a little, but it was a great, great mental struggle. In short, I was too tired for God.

Now, granted, despite regularly having relatively poor sleeping habits, I don't usually feel this down-trodden. Somehow, I usually get enough sleep to feel mostly energetic, or at least empowered enough to get my regular life things completed mostly efficiently.

In fact, most of the time, my walk with God feels more like this image:


To me, I feel like I'm at least heading in the right direction most of the time. Sure, there are those "parallel days" or "parallel moments" or "parallel situations." You know, those times when it doesn't matter how much spiritual wisdom has been revealed to you, you're still gonna just do your own thing simply because you want to.

But really, I often read the Word, I often pray for guidance, wisdom, patience, etc., and I often attempt to make the right decisions. So, it feels like the picture above, that God's will and my will are somewhat heading in the same direction, and at some point, somewhere down the road, they will eventually intersect. It may not be today, nor tomorrow, or even next week, but some day, it will all click and my line will connect with God's.

Yet, it still just doesn't seem like enough. It's not enough to just hope one day for my line to intersect with His. There has to be more. There has to be a better way.

There has to be a way to make our image actually be like this one:


A lone, single line where our will is so like God's that you can only see Him.

That's an amazing picture, when compared to the will of God, if you ask me. There shouldn't even be two lines, parallel or intersecting. It's not about hoping that one day your will will meet God's at some distant point. It's about your will becoming that of His.

And, it's certainly not about staying up late, or watching tennis, or drinking caffeine. None of those things are bad, in and of themselves. What they are though, at least in my life, are representations of how I will often feed SELF, rather than seeking God and His will.

Could I have gone to bed at 10 p.m., gotten a full night's rest, awakened early, vibrant and alive, and still spent the day feeding self? Absolutely!! And, I often do.

But, the more time I spend focused on God and His will rather than the things of SELF that I normally waste my time on, the much more likely I will be to be driving along on the road to God's will.

You know, the single-lined highway of life.

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I appreciate the tremendous response we've had for the book thus far, and I appreciate all the faithful readers of this blog. It's truly becoming a blessing for others and for me.

And, please, drop me a comment in the comments section. I'd love to know your thoughts on any of the topics I've discussed, or if you have any blog topic ideas to share, please feel free.

Thank you again, and God bless,




Sean Hanzelik